They drive me crazy with their unwillingness to discuss anything unpleasant; with their inability to acknowledge the pain in our lives.
They tell me to “move on”. They tell me that “That is all in the past now”. They declare that they “have friends who had it much harder than us”.
They do not seem to understand the power of the past to shape our current realities. They do not seem to recognize that our parents’ words have created the voices in our heads; the voices that tell us: who we are; what we are capable of; whether we are worthy of love; whether we can expect things to be okay in our lives.
I have gone through my life feeling unworthy, stupid, afraid. I have met young people who are so full of confidence. I have watched them soar in their personal and work lives with envy. So many times, I have wondered what I might have done with my life if I had only been raised to believe that I am bright, capable, like-able. How different would my life be.
So, here I am at 56 still struggling to step into my power. I need to examine these things; to understand the source of my own limitations; to understand the source of my beliefs; to separate out the wheat from the chaff. This process is not about blaming; it is about understanding, forgiving, and healing.
I want to feel heard. I want to feel that my feelings have been acknowledged. I want to feel that my reality has been affirmed. For me, this is an essential part of the process. It is what I need to heal; it is what I need to move on.