Last night, with the encouragement of a friend, I made my first posting on this blog. I was resistant to the idea; fearful of sharing my thoughts and feelings in a public space; wondering who would want to read what I have to say. But my friend, who is a writer, reminded me that we write not for our readers but for our selves. So I tried it last night and I was surprised by the response. Oh not from the message board, although I was pleasantly surprised to receive an empathetic and encouraging note from a more experienced blogger. I was surprised by MY response.
I woke up this morning; writing in my head. I had several different vignettes floating through my head; little titles to muse on; opening lines to start with; different stories to share. I was overwhelmed by the options; excited about the possibilities. I could hardly wait to get out of bed. And that is when I realized what my blogging firend has been telling me for a few years now; I am a writer.
I have always been a writer; writing in a journal since I was old enough to own one; writing in my head on a daily basis. I go through my life, writing commentaries in my head; musing about issues. But I have been terrified to call myself a writer; fearful that someone would laugh at me for daring to consider myself a writer? or fearful about what I might say if I gave myself permission to write?
The ironic thing is, that I write for a living. I am a technical writer. I do research and policy development for a living, which means that I am writing all of the time. The problem is that it IS technical writing; writing based on scientific studies, case studies, practical realities, and political ideas. It can be satisfying work. It can, at times, be powerful work. But it does not allow me to speak from my heart; to express my feelings; to dig deep within myself to describe the ache in my heart or the longing of my soul. I have done this work for many years now, and I am good at it, but I have lost my passion for it. At this stage in my life, I want something more. I want to do something that re-ignites the spark within me; something that feeds my spirit. And perhaps that is what blogging is all about?