All the doors were closing this week, or so it seemed to me. One of the organizations needed for my project proposal was not lining up. The funder did not feel the lead organization was appropriate for the proposal. And the organization deemed to be appropriate is not eligible to submit a proposal to this funder this year. It was all falling apart; my project idea; the months of work; the source of my income for the next year. So, I was having a bit of a melt-down.
I am fortunate however, that I have this wise friend who was able to talk me off the ledge and away from the brink of despair. “You are talking about a lot of closed doors, but I see a lot of new opportunities” she countered philosophically. “The funder did not say there was no funding for the lead orgaization, they said the prospects for THIS proposal were not good. The partner organization did not say they would not partner with you, they said how about developing a project that meets one of our priorities? The universe is not shutting you down, it is directing you!”
Well, when you put it that way……it does not sound so bad. So why was I curled up in a ball on the verge of a breakdwon? Because I can not visualize the other projects right now? Because I thought this proposal was a done deal? Because my funding ran out a few months ago, even though the work did not, and I am feeling a little desperate? Because I have a limited view of my skills and expertise? Or, all of the above?
I know that I can make a good project happen if I can visualize it, but I have trouble believing I can make something happen that I have not yet visualized. “That is called blind faith” my friend countered. Leaping into the abyss. Seeing that there is an opportunity here. Trusting that I can come up with an idea that might meet the priorities of the funder. All of this requires an opening of my mind to new possibilities; to a broader sense of my self; to the belief that I am being guided by the Universe.
After the meeting with the partner organization that invited me to develop a proposal that would meet their priorities, I took the subway to Union Station in Toronto and hopped on the westbound GO Train headed for Hamilton. A few moments into the trip, the conductor announced, “This train is eastbound for Whitby.” I was on the wrong train!! I got off at the next station to learn that I would have to wait for an hour for the next westbound train. After considerable cursing at myself, I pondered the metaphor inherent in the situation while sitting in the first sunlight of the day. “I am on a train that is headed in the wrong direction” I asked myself?? Again, later my friend disagreed, “No, you are on a train that is headed in an unanticipated direction where you will bask in the sunlight!!”