The members of my family have been cranky lately. There are simply too many uncertainties in our lives at present. My funding ran out a few months ago now and I currently have no line on funding for the forseeable future. My husband has been waiting for his next few months of work to firm up. My son, who is home from college for the summer, has been looking for a job that will help pay for his next year of college. And my daughter has to begin looking for her first summer job. So nerves are jangled and tempers are short.
I know this is a good time to exercise more, to get things done around the house, to enroll in a course, but I can’t seem to pull myself away from the computer. When I am not researching funding sources or drafting proposals, I am searching websites for jobs and houses in communities that have more jobs. I wish someone could say: “You will have lots of work in two months so enjoy this time off while you can!”. I have not been sleeping well either. I lie awake at night; trying to figure out which way to invest my time and energy; trying to match project ideas with funders; writing e-mails in my head; thinking about my next steps. I wish I could just switch my brain off.
But I keep moving forward. Two days ago, I initiated the process to establish my own non-profit organization. Yesterday, I solicited volunteer Program Advisors for my new organization. Today I will research funding sources. At each stage in this process, I must do battle with my own fears. I have to ask for support from colleagues. I have to ask for funding. I have to believe in my abilities; have faith in my vision; and trust that the support, the money and the work will come.