Living with Uncertainty

The members of my family have been cranky lately. There are simply too many uncertainties in our lives at present. My funding ran out a few months ago now and I currently have no line on funding for the forseeable future. My husband has been waiting for his next few months of work to firm up. My son, who is home from college for the summer, has been looking for a job that will help pay for his next year of college. And my daughter has to begin looking for her first summer job. So nerves are jangled and tempers are short.

I know this is a good time to exercise more, to get things done around the house, to enroll in a course, but I can’t seem to pull myself away from the computer.  When I am not researching funding sources or drafting proposals, I am searching websites for jobs and houses in communities that have more jobs.  I wish someone could say: “You will have lots of work in two months so enjoy this time off while you can!”.  I have not been sleeping well either.  I lie awake at night; trying to figure out which way to invest my time and energy; trying to match project ideas with funders; writing e-mails in my head; thinking about my next steps.  I wish I could just switch my brain off.

But I keep moving forward.  Two days ago, I initiated the process to establish my own non-profit organization.  Yesterday, I solicited volunteer Program Advisors for my new organization.  Today I will research funding sources.  At each stage in this process, I must do battle with my own fears.  I have to  ask for support from colleagues.  I have to ask for funding.  I have to believe in my abilities; have faith in my vision; and trust that the support, the money and the work will come.

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About kp

I am a woman and a mother, a sister and a wife. I have called myself a socialist and a feminist, an environmentalist and an activist, a pagan and an atheist. But, at this stage in my life, none of these labels feel right. I am searching; trying to find an inner calm; trying to make peace with life's disappointments; trying to answer the big questions in my own small life.
This entry was posted in Healing & Compassion, Job Termination, Parenting & Family, Signs, God & Universe, Work Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Living with Uncertainty

  1. Hi KP, Someone mentioned a book to me, “Angel Number 101,” by Doreen Virtue, due to my anxiety-prone nature. It’s about time prompts–you happen to notice the time and open the book to that time. I just opened the book to 508 (which you would see as 5:08) and it says: “Your prayers and life changes have resulted in an increase in financial flow.” Using this book is ridiculous to some, but this little book props me up when my worries start to overcome me. I get a little nudge to look at the time and then look up the number and I usually feel better. I get a LOT of prompts about “observing my thoughts and keeping them positive as they affect outcomes more than any other thing.” Several times when I’ve been worrying about something specific, I’ll happen to look up at the time and read the related message and they go something like, “The angels and ascended masters applaud you for your new efforts,” or, “Don’t focus so much on the physical world. Deepen your spirituality.” Maybe it would help you, too?

    • kp says:

      Hi Pam: That is a great suggestion….While there is a side of me that thinks “aids” like that are irrational; there is another side of me that truly appreciates them. The last few weeks have been full of closing doors, and then this week, things started to shift. Nothing concrete has changed yet but it feels like new doors are opening. I will check that book out the next time I am in the book store!!! Take care…KP

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