I have been thinking about whether it is time to close down my blog. I only started blogging because my friend, who is a writer, set me up with a site one night over a glass of wine. Unlike many bloggers, I was not really clear about my reasons for blogging or about my goals. But here I am, five months later, writing posts religiously every week. It is as if the compulsion to write has a life of it’s own. So, I have been asking myself lately why have I been blogging? A little backwards I know but I have done many things in my life backwards.
I actually write for a living; policy pieces on environmental issues. So I have been writing on this blog anonymously to give myself the freedom to write about personal things. I have written about losing my job, challenges in my marriage, my fears and joys as a parent, my longing for a spiritual community, my feelings about the growing darkness in the world, and my attempt to put the Universe in charge of my work life while I create my own work.
I have asked myself at times how blogging is different from writing in a journal. It is different, but it is hard to explain how. While I write my feelings out in my journal, I feel no obligation to express them in some cohesive form; to describe them clearly; to tie them off in some way. Blogging, on the other hand, forces some discipline on me; it gives me the opportunity to express myself as if someone else were reading my words. And I have enjoyed this challenge.
I love writing. I have used writing all my life as a way to understand my feelings; process my relationships; and come to terms with my life and the world. I have bared my soul in these posts over the last few months, but every so often I have wondered why; why not just stick with my journal? And then, I get a note from a fellow blogger who knows just what I mean; who expresses compassion for the feelings I have expressed; who affirms my view of the world; and I realize that that is the difference. While we do blog
for ourselves, we also do so in the hopes of touching someone else. My weekly posts have helped me to navigate the emotional storm within myself, but they have also put me in touch with like-minded souls who are out there bobbing along in their own little rafts, and that has made all the difference.