For three weeks now, I have been in waiting mode. I have been waiting to hear if one or more of my four proposals will be funded. During these weeks of waiting, my life has slowed down. I have worked every day but for only a few hours each day. At first, I was anxious; worrying away on the computer, searching for other funding pools, for jobs, for houses. But, little by little, I have relaxed into this in-between time and I am starting to enjoy it!!
I have been drinking my coffee in bed in the mornings, reading the newspaper in the backyard, running errands, having meals out with friends, and reading well into the wee hours each night. It has been sinfully relaxing!!
I have been working full-time for almost 27 years now. I gave myself a whole 6 months off with the birth of each of my two children, and dropped down to 3 days per week for three years after the birth of my son, but otherwise, I have been working full-time at very demanding jobs for all of these years. For 20 of those years, I have also been raising kids, commuting, and running a household. Like many other moms, I have gotten used to a life lived in high gear. That is the new normal. We multi-task all day long with no space in our lives to relax, reflect or refresh ourselves.
But not for the last three weeks. I have been slacking off. I have spent hours in the shade of the tulip tree in my backyard, feet propped up, reading. I have draped myself over the couch in my living room reading. I have read over breakfast. I have read over tea. I have consumed the first 3.5 books in George R.R. Martin‘s Game of Thrones series over the past two weeks and I am beginning to worry about what I will do when I catch up to him!!
It has been delicious. It has been addictive. It has been transportive. (I don’t think that is a word but it should be.) Over the last week, I found out that two of my four proposals will not be funded. I should be devastated. I should be discouraged. I should be scared. Instead, some little voice in my head has been whispering seditiously, “Would it really be so terrible if none of the proposals were funded? Would it really be so bad to have several months without work??” Hmmm…maybe not. I could get used to this!