I am working on trust, acceptance and faith these days. I am trying to trust that things are going to work out. I am trying to have faith that there is some benevolent energy in the universe to which we are all connected. And I am trying to accept that things happen for a reason; that this benevolent energy, which I refer to as the “Universe”, will guide us in a way that serves us and our communities if we allow it to do so.
I have held these beliefs for many years but I have had trouble knowing if they are truths. So, when things in my life don’t work out the way I think they should, I get scared, I question my beliefs, and I begin to panic about my
future. So, over the last few years, I have been practicing trust and acceptance. I have been acting “as if” my beliefs are truths. For example, yesterday, I learned that one of my project proposals was denied funding. Over the last seven months, I have prepared four project proposals and worked full-time with no income in the hopes that one or
more of these proposals would provide my income over the next year. This is the third proposal that has failed to be funded. As the news settled in, I could feel the fear
building in my gut and the old questions popping into my head: What made me think I could make a living this way? and What made me think that I had skills and expertise to make this work? These are the voices of fear and doubt; in the Universe, in my beliefs, and in my Self.
So I talked myself down from the ledge; I told myself that it was not meant to be; that the Universe has something else in mind for me. I admitted to myself that I was not really very excited about working on this particular project. And I found myself thinking that the real gift from this project proposal was the new relationship that has developed around
it. I collaborated on that proposal with three people from another non-profit organization. Since then, they have invited me to prepare several proposals for our two
organizations; proposals that have the potential to provide me with work for years to come. More importantly, I now have colleagues with whom I can collaborate on an ongoing basis; colleagues who are bright and creative; colleagues who live nearby; colleagues who are supportive and encouraging!! I have been needing this for a very long time!! In fact, I have needed this much more than I have needed money.
As these thoughts floated to the surface of my mind, the bad feelings in my gut receded, the fear subsided, and my face broke into a smile. I realized that the Universe had delivered exactly what I needed!! Hunh!