I am feeling discombobulated today. My commuter train is down because of a derailment. I slept in and missed the bus that was to be my alternate mode of transportation. So, I am back at home, feeling tired and cranky. As I think about it, I never really relaxed this weekend. All weekend, I was working on an abstract for an article I have been asked to write and on a new post for my non-profit organization. So, I did not get my housework done; I never took the time to write a post for this site; and I did not really make time to relax. I was “working” all weekend with my mind and on a computer. I never really took time to re-generate or to prepare for another week of work.
So today, I am feeling it; scattered, tired and unsettled. I feel like I am trying to do too much. Too much that does not feed my soul. Too little to take care of my material needs. Too little to take care of my spiritual needs. I know better. I have been here before many times in my life. An Astrologer, who did my chart for me years ago, described me as “driven”. I am driven; not by money or ambition; but by the need to be seen and recognized. Somewhere along the line, I gave up on feeling loved by my parents, and settled for being recognized in my field. It drives me to work harder than I should. It drives me to sacrifice time for myself. It drives me to sacrifice things I enjoy. It is a pattern I have seen, recognized and corrected in my life, time and time again.
So, today I am asking myself, how do I fix it? How do I find balance in a hectic life? What can I cut out of my life? Do I move so I can spend less time commuting every day? Or do I let my non-profit organization go; stop doing articles and newsletters that I am not being paid to produce? It feels like a riddle without a solution; one that has me spinning my wheels.
But all weekend, there has been this little voice in my head whispering; “Ask for a leave of absence; one that can be spread over the year; so you can work one less day each week. One day to dedicate to your non-profit organization; one day to keep your weekends clear of work; one day to help keep yourself grounded and centred?” Hunh.
- Musings: Creating Balance In Life… (eof737.wordpress.com)
- My Life In Balance (forafinespunbeing.wordpress.com)
- Releasing the High Energy of Summer and Going Deeper Within (joyofspa.com)
- National Day Of Unplugging Encourages People To Turn Off The Tech For 24-Hours (inquisitr.com)
- Finding My Balance While Losing My Footing (thingsishouldkeeptomyself.wordpress.com)
- How to Make Every Minute of Your Life Meaningful (mylittleblackpen.wordpress.com)