The last few years have been difficult. They have been years of loss and loneliness, disappointments and regrets, grief and sadness. But the dark days are coming to an end.
Over the last months, there has been an internal shift. I found myself enjoying the empty nest I was dreading. I discovered that I am no longer tied to the schedules of schools, soccer games and after-school jobs. I am no longer obliged to cook and clean for others. My taxi driving days are behind me. I can come and go as I please; eat when I am hungry; work when I am in the mood; and zone out when I am tired. I found freedom where I expected to find loneliness.
I have reclaimed old pleasures; yoga classes, meditation and bird-watching. I have found myself getting excited about little projects; taking photos of the wild life; tackling weedy sections in my garden; and finding ways to attract birds to our back yard.
I have been seeing my life through new eyes; feeling blessed to have three healthy children who have grown into young adults whose company I enjoy; feeling lucky to have a partner with whom I have so many shared memories; feeling fortunate to do work that I truly enjoy.
For the first time, I am looking forward to the next stage in my life; to become the Crone; the woman who has moved beyond her child-rearing years. I have survived the transition; moved through the grief; let go of my role as Mother. Today, I feel full of joy; happy to be alive; and excited about the future. Today I feel blessed.