The Free Fall

Cliff Face, Mazinaw Lake, Ontario KPI have been unemployed for several months now.  I spent the first few months working on a few proposals that did not get funded.  I spent the next two months working on a few small contracts that landed in my lap.  And I have spent that last 3 months applying for jobs.

It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  I have been working for 30 years.  I have a wealth of experience.  I have done some very interesting and useful work.  BUT there are few jobs for someone with my experience and I am NOT getting interviews for those that are out there.

It has been terrifying financially. While I have been working for 30 years, I have no pension and am NOT able to retire yet. It has been humbling.  I am not getting interviews for jobs where only 3 years of experience are needed.  It has been emotionally devastating.  I am someone who loves to work.  When I do a job, I give it everything. I have been a leader in my field for decades but now, it seems, that no one values the work I have spent my life doing.

Everyone wants hard technical skills these days; the kind learned in university. With a masters degree that was earned 30 years ago, my technical skills are weak and out of date. I have strategic skills, project management skills, time management skills, problem-solving skills – skills built upon experience – but these skills are hard to sell.

Pictographs on Cliff Face, Mazinaw Lake, Ontario KP

I am struggling to stay positive; to believe that there is a job out there for me.  On my good days, I tell myself that I have not been hired yet because there is a job that I am meant to do that has not yet become available. But that requires faith in the Universe and in myself.

On my bad days, I beat myself  up for all of the decisions that I have made that have led to me to being here on the “outside”, while colleagues with equal or lesser skills are on the “inside” with job security, pensions and benefits.

I remind myself that there were good reasons for each decision I made. In each case, I left to do something that was better for my family, improved my quality of life, or fed my soul. In each case, there was a leap of faith.  In each case, things worked out. In each case, I was given the opportunity to do something new, something challenging, something valuable to society.  But in every case, the leap itself was terrifying.

So, here I am again, in free fall once more, casting my net out in many directions, and trusting that “things will work out” because I have followed that deeper calling that whispers in my ear.

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About kp

I am a woman and a mother, a sister and a wife. I have called myself a socialist and a feminist, an environmentalist and an activist, a pagan and an atheist. But, at this stage in my life, none of these labels feel right. I am searching; trying to find an inner calm; trying to make peace with life's disappointments; trying to answer the big questions in my own small life.
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13 Responses to The Free Fall

  1. Dear Kim.. please do not beat yourself up.. I know how scary this may be feeling.. But I am certain something will come along for you.. Keep thinking positive and I know as you know deep within when we follow that Inner knowing and Trust in those little whispers.. All will be well..

    Sending positive vibes your way my friend.. Love Sue xx

    • kp says:

      Thanks so much Sue. The beating up comes so easily and the quiet reassurances require quite a bit of practice. It is really helpful to have them re-affirmed by friends. Hugs to you…..Kim (P.S. Just spent the first day in my garden; very restorative!)

    • kp says:

      Hi Sue…The beating up comes so easily while the quiet reassurances require so much practice. It is really helpful to have the positive voices affirmed by friends….Thank-you. Hugs to you. Kim (P.s. Just spent the first day in my yard; very restorative!)

  2. Ellen says:

    I’m in a job where I wish I was unemployed, lol. But I know not having work is no joke.
    It’s great you were able to work at meaningful jobs so often in your career. About the qualifications – I too find that clients are trying to hire the person with technical expertise, and very specific knowledge, but once on the job, it becomes clear that what actually matters is communication and project management. The specific knowledge is fairly easily learned, while the other two – not so easy. Good Luck.

  3. Eliza Waters says:

    Bouts of unemployment are most unsettling (we’ve been through a few over the years) and it certainly tests our faith. Last year, my spouse was out of work for 8 mos. We did a lot of envisioning of the type of work place, co-workers, bosses, what it felt like, etc. to the point it seemed real. Laser sharp focus using the Law of Attraction. Believe and receive. It made us feel like we were calling in the a higher power to complement the job search. I don’t know if this makes sense to you, but I wish you all the best of luck!

    • kp says:

      Eliza…it makes a great deal of sense to me. I am a big believer in praying for the essence of what we want and allowing the Universe to deliver. At some level, I do feel that things will be okay but the inner demons are alive and well in off centre days. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Kim

  4. Please be gentle with yourself. I know it is so difficult to do, when we believe being hard on ourselves will end the free fall sooner. It won’t Each day, do the best you can. That is all you can do. :)

  5. Wow…It sure is terrifying Kim. I can feel the intensity of the fear seething through what you’ve written. Yet it also sounds to me like you have the wisdom and sensibility and whatever else you need to get you through this and take you to your next step. I have no doubt whatsoever that all the pieces will fall into their rightful place and everything will click for you — as it always has. And your reflections and insights by then would even be a rich material for an inspiring post, eh?

    Holding you and your process in a space of Love…. Blessed be. :D :star: <3 :star: :D NadineMarie

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